Sleep By Alex Podcast - Ep 1 Sleep Associations 101 Transcript
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Sleep by Alex podcast. I am a certified pediatric sleep consultant and a mom of three, and I will be bringing you quick science backed sleep advice to get you and your baby or toddler sleeping well for our first episode today, we are diving right into sleep associations. This is a huge topic you need to know about because this could be the exact reason why your baby is not napping or sleeping well.
Today I will define sleep associations, explain how they form, how they impact your baby's sleep. We are going to talk about dependent and independent sleep associations. We will dive into when you need to change your sleep associations, and then if you get to the end of this and you think, oh yeah. I need to change my sleep associations with my baby.
We're gonna talk about how to do that, so stick around till the end. We will talk about ways to shift sleep associations to more positive ones so you [00:01:00] and your baby can get better rest. Okay, let's get right to it. What is a sleep association? And by now I've said that word 20 times and I'm already annoying myself, so I really apologize at this point.
A sleep association is something your baby relies on to fall asleep. Something that cues to your baby sleep is coming, something that they need in order to help them get calm and drowsy and go from awake. I. To asleep. Examples of sleep associations can be rocking or feeding to sleep. A sleep sack, a dark room, white noise, a pacifier.
These are all things that your baby may need in order to fall asleep. Now, sleep associations are not a bad thing. It's actually good for your baby to have things that cute their body. And their brain that sleep is coming. It is okay for them to have these independent sleep associations that let them know, Hey, it's bedtime.
Think about your bedtime routine. Most [00:02:00] of us don't just go from being like on a computer or work, work, working, jumping straight into bed and falling right asleep. I know I can't do that myself if I want a good night's rest. So I like to dim my lights, turn my little salt rock lamp on. I wash my face. I brush my teeth, I get in my pajamas.
Then I get into bed, maybe I read a book. This little routine is quick, but it tells my body and my brain like, okay, you can start to settle down. Sleep is coming. This is what you are doing during your baby's bedtime routine. These are good things to include. It is. Okay for your baby to associate some things with sleep.
Regular and predictable sleep associations for your baby are actually going to help them fall asleep quickly and stay asleep. But there are two different kinds of sleep association. There's independent sleep associations and dependent ones. Let me explain what I mean here. An independent association is something that they don't rely [00:03:00] on you in order to have something they can use on their own without you present.
So for example, this can be a white noise machine, a really dark room, or blackout curtains. Maybe they have a sleep sock they wear. Maybe they have a lovey or a pacifier that they're able to put in their mouths themselves. Maybe you have a nice consistent bedtime routine that sets them up for success, for going to sleep.
These are all things that we do at bedtime to get them ready for bed. They don't involve us needing to stay in there or keep popping in there to help your baby fall asleep. They can do these all on their own. Other types of sleep associations can be dependent, so they're dependent on somebody else in order to get this.
So this can be rocking to sleep, feeding to sleep, either by nursing or with a bottle. Maybe they're being held to sleep, maybe they're being patted to sleep while they lay in their bed. [00:04:00] Maybe they're dependent on the pacifier to fall asleep, yet they're not at the age where they're able to pick up the pacifier and put it in their mouths themselves.
These are all some things that your baby might rely on to fall asleep, and they actually depend on you to be in there or go back in there during the middle of the night in order to get these. So how are the types of associations your baby has affecting the way they sleep? Well, babies are bound to wake up in the middle of the night.
In between sleep cycles or for whatever reason, an independent sleep association is going to promote independent sleep. If your baby needs white noise or a dark room, or they sleep sack to fall asleep at bedtime, if they wake up a few hours later, they already have all of those things still in their room without you needing to go in there.
So independently they might wake up, they hear their white noise, they've got their sleep sack on, and they just go back to [00:05:00] sleep. They can do this on their own. Dependent. Sleep associations can lead to frequent night wakings or short naps. If your baby is being rocked to sleep in your arms and then you lay them down in their bed and leave the room, they are very likely to wake up a couple hours later, not in your arms and wonder where the heck you are.
They are not just gonna go right back to sleep. They don't associate their bed with falling asleep. They fell asleep in one place. They're waking up in another place. They don't know what to do in that moment in order to fall back asleep. So they're gonna be calling out for you to come give them their pacifier or give them a feed or rock them back to sleep, or help them in some way to get back down.
So how do you know when your current routine is no longer working for you, or the sleep associations you've created with your baby are just no longer healthy? Let me start by saying two things. Number one. If you are baby is a newborn, and I'm talking about any baby who has yet to turn four months old, so [00:06:00] really that first four months of their life, your baby cannot yet learn to self-soothe consistently.
It's really normal that they need to be rocked to sleep or they need to be padded to sleep, or they need a contact nap, or they need you to help them with their pacifier. That is just a very typical, normal piece of the newborn period. If you are rocking or padding your newborn to sleep, please just know that is so normal and you don't need to teach them independent sleep quite yet.
Another thing I'll say is even if your baby is older than four months old and you are rocking or padding or co-sleeping or feeding to sleep and you are happy with your current sleep situation, there is a no need to change a thing. A sleep habit is only bad. If it's not working for you, if you are so happy rocking your baby to sleep and you like the way sleep looks, then please don't change anything.
This is only for [00:07:00] people who are feeling a little burnt out, who are feeling a little tired, who are ready for a change and are wondering what signs to look for that. Okay? Yes, I'm ready to make a change here. So here are a couple things to keep your eyes peeled for. Okay. Number one, I do have something to say about the newborn period.
While you can't spoil a newborn and you can rock them to sleep and hold them for a nap and pat them to sleep and all of that good stuff. I do often see parents getting stuck in a very exhausting routine when they rely on feeding to sleep, even in the newborn period, because this can look like giving your baby a nice full feed.
They fall asleep, you lay them down in their bed. All of a sudden they wake up on the transfer or they wake up five or 10 minutes later and now they've already had a feed, but you're like trying to pop them back on the breast or the bottle to get them to eat again because that's the only way you have to get them to sleep or feeding to sleep.
Babies will have a hard time taking a full feed and then they kind of wanna snack all day and all [00:08:00] night, and they have a harder time taking a nice long nap or getting a good stretch of sleep at night. So one thing I do say to try and avoid if you can, is relying on feeding to sleep. Now, newborns are going to feed to sleep naturally.
They are tired and sleepy and they naturally get really calm when they're feeding. So don't worry if your baby falls asleep at the end of their feed. Like that is totally gonna happen a ton. What I mean is when you're solely relying on feeding in order to get your baby to sleep, when that's really the only tool you have in your toolbox to get them to sleep.
That can become really tricky. Okay, moving on. Now, if we're out of the newborn period, your baby is at least four months old. Here's where things can start to feel tricky, and you may be wondering if you are ready for different sleep associations. So if you find that you lay your baby down for a nap and they wake up 30 or 45 minutes later and they will not go back to sleep on their own.
So basically you're stuck with cat naps all day long unless you decide to hold them for the nap. That can be a [00:09:00] reason why you're ready to change your sleep associations. If you find that once your baby's down for bed, they then wake up every two to three hours either needing a feed or needing you to rock them back to sleep, whatever it may be, that can be a reason you are ready to change your sleep associations.
If you find that your baby relies on sleeping with you in order to sleep and you are ready for your own space. That can be a reason to change your sleep associations. If you find that your baby is getting older and. Even rocking them to sleep is taking way longer, so you're trying to help them get to sleep, and it used to take five or 10 minutes and now you're in there for 30, 40, 50, 60 minutes trying to rock them to sleep.
That is really common. As they get older, it can actually become stimulating for us to be in there as they get older. So that can be another reason why you may want to switch up your sleep habits basically. Long story short is when you feel like your current routine, I. Whether it's the way you're getting your baby [00:10:00] down or the way your baby is napping and sleeping during the middle of the night when it's no longer working for you or your baby, then it could be time to change it up.
So when you're ready to switch up your sleep habits, how do you go about this? Well, the very first thing everyone can do is start to incorporate some independent sleep associations in your bedtime routine if you haven't already. So. That can mean a sound machine, a dark room, a sleep sack, a special lovey.
If they're old enough for that, maybe you have a predictable and calming bedtime routine you do every night. These are some things you can start to do right away, even before you start to change up the way your baby's actually falling asleep. Now, if you're ready to change the way your baby is actually falling asleep, of course there are so many ways.
To change the way your baby falls asleep. What I actually spend a majority of my time doing is speaking on [00:11:00] the phone with people just like you and I get to know you and your baby, and we work together to nail down a really individualized step-by-step plan that works for your current situation. Your baby's temperament, your timeline, your goals, all of that good stuff.
But in general, there are two different routes to go about it. One is a gradual route in which you are going to slowly remove the amount of intervention or the amount of help you're giving your baby to fall asleep. At bedtime and at nap time. So if you're ready to move from dependent sleep associations to independent sleep associations in a gradual way that might look something like moving from feeding to sleep, to rocking to sleep, and then once your baby's got that down.
You might move to padding them to sleep and then patting them to sleep in their crib and then sitting next to them until they fall asleep. Basically, with a gradual approach, you're slowly fading The associations they [00:12:00] have that involve you over some weeks or months of time. There are also more accelerated ways of going about the process that do involve just right away laying your baby down in their bed with all their independent sleep associations.
We can line them up with. Then popping in and out of the room and encouraging them to learn to fall asleep on their own. Regardless of what sort of sleep training method you use. The goal is all the same. Can we get our baby less dependent on us and more dependent on themselves or things they can use independently so that we aren't needing to go in there very frequently all night long?
How do you figure out which method is right for you? Of course, like I said earlier, this is what I spend a lot of my time doing. Is getting to know people and their babies and helping them find the method that feels doable. But really my biggest piece of advice is find something that you feel is sustainable for you, that you feel like you can be consistent with.
There are so many ways to go about it. [00:13:00] You really just need to find something that's gonna jive with you and your baby so that you can stay consistent and get results quickly. If you're like Alex, just gimme the step-by-step plan. I have thought about enough. I have Googled enough, I have read enough books.
I'm really tired of it. I have got you. We can work one-on-one over the phone and I'll email you whatever plan we land on, or you can dive right into my four to 24 month sleep learning course if you're more of a DIY person and it lays out multiple methods that you can choose and how to choose the right one for your baby.
You can also choose to join the Sleep by Alex membership where you do get automatic access to the course. And along with that, you get to come to my live calls and ask me your questions and send me messages every day, all day. If you feel like you need to, I'll be there for you every step of the way In the Sleep By Alex membership.
I'll put all of the information in the description of this episode. Also in the description, I will post my email where you can send your questions to me that you'd like me to [00:14:00] address on this podcast so you can either. Write out your sleep situation or send me a voice memo. I would love to hear your voice.
Let me know what you have going on with your baby or toddler, and maybe I will feature your question on one of my coming episodes. You'll send your questions to Sleep by Alex [email protected]. Thank you for listening to the Sleep by Alex podcast, where I'll give you quick science backed sleep advice with actionable tips to get you and your baby or toddler sleeping well.
I appreciate you being here so much. See you next week. Happy sleeping.
